One Step Closer to a Cancer Free life

Today I am PROUD to be:

TAMOXIFEN FREE !!

After 5 years of being of being on it, and experiencing all the problems that I have been, I can finally see if all these problems have been the result of being on Tamoxifen.

I had the liver biopsy and it came back negative for cancer or any other disease. I told them at RPCI that I would rather stop taking the Tamoxifen, even if it meant that my cancer could come back, than to have to continue on taking it and risk having continued elevated liver enzymes and possibly have to start dialysis or need a Liver Transplant down the road.

It is MY body and I have the right to make my own decisions on what I want to do with it. 5 Years was enough and my tumor was so small that my Dr isn't worried about reoccurrence. She should know whether it is good to take me off it or not. Obviously if she isn't worried, I shouldn't be. 

Now we can get to the bottom of this elevated liver enzymes business and see where it is all coming from.......

OK, so why did I jinx myself by saying, "what's next?" Yesterday I went to the Dr to get the results of a routine, yearly, blood test and she told me that my liver levels are sky high and that it might be a side effect of Tamoxifen - the pill I have been taking for almost 3 years to keep my breast cancer from coming back. Well shit, if the Tamoxifen is going to cause me to end up on dialysis and need a liver transplant - PLEASE, by all means, they can take me off of it!!! It could also be caused by Hepititis B or C, but I am not a drug addict and haven't had any sexual contact with one either. I did have a tattoo done last June, but the needle was new and sterile. I watched him put it on the device he uses to ink the tattoo. Also she told me that I am borderline diabetic because of weight gain, which could also be caused by the tamoxifen. 
JESUS - for something that is suppose to be helping me, it sure does seem to be doing a lot of destruction to my body!!!! 
Im not sure how much more I care to go through with taking this pill. If my cancer is going to come back, its going to come back anyway. Now that I think of it, my pap smears have all been coming back abnormal since I had cancer too. 
Could this be a cause for the constant infections? For some reason I have had some sort of infection, abnormal blood test, abnormal pap smear, or something else freaky happening with my body since I had cancer. I was once a healthy, thin, active person that was rarely sick and barely ever even got a cold or flu, I can't say that anymore. Is it because Im getting older or because I had cancer that has caused such a drastic change in my health? 
Anyway, I requested that I have a full Hepititis Panel of blood work done, and I made an appointment with my GYN to have another pap smear and talk to him about having a hysterectomy. My physician informed me that the risk of getting cancer of the uterus is higher while taking Tamoxifen and that if my pap smears keep coming back abnormal, I really should have a hysterectomy so that I wasn't even taking the chance of getting a different kind of cancer. Why my GYN does a biopsy of the uterus it always comes back normal.
Not sure what the hell is going on, but I am determined to get to the bottom of it all!!! 
I want my normal, before cancer, life back!!

The best advice I can give a to a Cancer Survivor caregiver -
"Don't mourn me while I am still here fighting the battle,

make me laugh & smile while you fight the battle with me.

You will have enough time to mourn me when I'm gone......."

WTH, Why is my arm leaking?!

OK, so there I was cooking dinner when I felt some water trickling down my left arm. Since I was back and forth to the sink, I didn't think anything of it. Until it happened three more times. I kept wiping my arm in the same spot because it was trickling with water.
Well, it seems that the water wasn't from the sink, my friggin arm sprung a leak and the water was oozing from my arm. Ewwwwwww gross, right?!
Scary is more like it! Freaked me the hell out!!
(Remember, my left arm is the arm that I call my "Cancer Arm" because it is the arm that I had lymph nodes removed from.)

I found out the it is called "Lymphorrhea" and probably came from a poke or scratch to my skin when I was in the yard tying up some branches. You can't see any wound or exit spot, or where it is even coming from. Strange!

 

This is what it looked like:

 

 

I researched it and this is what I found out:

Lymphorrhea: the leakage of lymph

What’s leaking out of my leg/arm/etc?The light, amber-colored fluid that is beading and trickling from your skin is called lymph. The leaking or weeping of this protein-rich lymph is known as lymphorrhea.
What causes this to happen?Insect bites, abrasions, cuts, wounds, or cracks in the skin can enable the lymph fluid to seep out. Whenever I’ve had it, it drains from an extremely small break in my skin about the size of a pore.
What complications can it cause?
There are two main complications that lymphorrhea can spell out for lymphies, one of which being infection. The lymph fluid is considered a natural food source for bacteria, meaning the wound becomes an entry point for the bacteria to enter your body and cause infections such as cellulitis, lymphangitis, or erysipelas. Lymphorrhea is also highly caustic to skin tissue, and when the drainage is left untreated, it could quickly become a large, gaping wound. When this happens, skin grafts are often required.
How do I avoid it?
The best thing you can do to avoid getting lymphorrhea is to take care of your skin. Keep it moisturized, as dry skin will lead to cracking and could cause the fluid to leak. Also, avoid cuts, bites, and scrapes if you can. Obviously it’s difficult to avoid these things to a T (unless you want to enclose your affected limb in a bubble!), but if you’re careful then your chances of contracting it will be lessened.
What do I do if I get it?
If you spring a leak, don’t worry – there are things you can do to treat it. First, you should clean the area where the fluid is leaking to reduce infection. Then, apply a moisturizing lotion to help heal the skin and protect it from further breakdown. Dress the wound with clean, absorbent, non-sticky bandages, and then wrap your limb with compression bandages to help stop the drainage. With this added pressure, the leaking should stop within one or two days. Don’t forget to change the bandages often, as they’ll become wet and uncomfortable from the lymph. When you’re at rest, elevate that sucker! Once the leakage has stopped and your skin is restored, you can don your usual garments again.

So really, what the hell is next with this, supposed, CANCER FREE body I have!!

I know people that have had major surgery and had cancer removed and just gone on with it.....no chemo, no radiation, no further treatment needed.

I know others that have, unfortunately, passed away from it.

I seem to be the one stuck in the middle - Cancer Free but constantly having reminders! Can't I just live a normal life - the way that I was BEFORE Cancer came in to my life and left its mark on me for life!! WTF?!?!?!

All About A Colonoscopy

OK, so I had the colonoscopy.

They found 2 polyps but said my colon was tumor free.

The worst part was the preparation - I had to drink so much liquid and to make it worse, the Miralax makes you feel like you are going to throw up.

But can I say that I was not completely put under anesthesia and watching them search my colon on a tv screen was actually interesting and pretty cool to watch. It wasn't painful at all, actually didn't feel a thing.

Needless-to-say I'm sure my colon was completely empty by the time the next day came and I was starving by the time I went home.

This is a photo of where a Surgical Intern TRIED to put an IV into the back of my hand.

First of all, it hurts like hell to have an IV put in there to begin with.

Secondly, he went so slow that I almost grabbed the needle and did it for him.

Lastly, he went all the way through my vein and it blew my hand up!

He only got ONE shot at it.......then I requested the nurse to do it.

 



 

  This is the 2nd attempt at the IV of fluids that they kept me on through the whole procedure. The nurses name was Brandy and she was AWESOME!

 

 

 

Yes, I know that I am looking quite sexy in my hospital digs,

but at least I don't have to spend the night.

 

 

 

 They sent the polyps out to be tested for cancer and they came back benign and

cancer free!

 

TAKE THAT COLONOSCOPY!!!!

(Now we only have to figure out where the anemia is coming from.)

What the F*ck.....Can a Cancer Survivor catch a friggin break already?!?!?!

OK, so NOW they tell me that I have ANEMIA - what the hell is going on with my system?! Dr. O'Connor has put me on 325mg of Ferrous Sulfate daily and has made me an appointment to have a COLONOSCOPY
Tomorrow is the day that I have the procedure and today my meal consists of nothing but fluids and this:

238g of Miralax

and

4 - 5mg Tablets of Bisacodyl

Needless to say there will be no work for me for today and tomorrow.

 

I will keep you updated on the results. Since I can't eat for almost 2 days, I have decided to reward myself with THIS dessert when I can eat tomorrow:

Parfait Sundae - Carrot Cake & Cream Cheese

 

Tomorrow can't get here fast enough for me - I am sure I will be going to bed early!!

 

Cellulitis : It Came Baaaaaaaack - Multiple Times

This is what CELLULITIS looks like and the treatment I have received the two times

that I have been hospitalized for it. I got it in my left arm, the one that they removed the lymph nodes from when I had Breast Cancer back in 2007.

It is very painful and spreads very quickly. It came on all of a sudden, and within an hour I was in the emergency room and was admitted shortly after. I was in the hospital for 3 days - each time -  and on an extreme dose of IV antibiotics the whole time I was there.

It is scary when this happens because it is very important to get treatment right away for cellulitis. If it is not treated, the bacteria can spread quickly through the body and cause sepsis, an extreme response by the body’s defense system. This can be deadly. Cellulitis on the face can spread to the brain and cause a dangerous infection (meningitis). Cellulitis can also cause other serious problems, such as blood clots in the legs

My Oncologist is keeping a close eye on it, but has decided not to put me on a daily medication unless it comes back. I have been screened by infectious diseases and no one seems to know where it is coming from. THIS is the reason that I call my left arm my "Cancer Arm" because Im sure that if I would have never gotten cancer, this would not be happening!

Uggggghhhhhh - What is next?!?!?!

The following photos are the antibiotics they had me on:

Quotes.......

Cancer wasn't killing me, it was pushing me to live.

 If it wasn't for the downside, having cancer would be the best thing and everyone would want it.
~ Gilda Radner

Cancer changes your life, often for the better. You learn what's important, you learn to prioritize, and you learn not to waste your time. You tell people you love them more often.

I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days, or great days.
~ Lance Armstrong

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
~ Patricia Neal

                                                                
What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
~ Christopher Reeve

Uggggghhhhhhh

OK, so I have been on either a clinical trial, or Tamoxifen for over 4 years now.

Menopause with no period for 4 years.

One more year to go and I am home free!

BUT THEN.......

there's the day before yesterday ......what a curveball.

I got my period.....WTF?!?!?!

Is my va-jayjay friggin' kidding me right now?!

Does it NOT realize that I did not miss having my period.

Really....does it have to be so heavy too??

I have never had a period this heavy in my life.

Not to be so graphic, but I am going through a super overnight pad every 1/2 hour.

Ugggggghhhhhhhh
So frustrating!

Not alarm you, but vaginal bleeding while on Tamoxifen could be a sign of endometrial cancer but we are NOT gonna panic until the Dr does the tests he needs to do which will probably be a Endometrial Biopsy.

I called my Gynocologist, Dr Costich, and made an appointment for Wednesday May 4th @ 12:30.

I will keep you posted.

Cancer and Sleeplessness

It has been 4 years since I battled cancer and I still have sleepless nights.

Nights of subconscious worry. Lonely nights curled up in bed wondering if cancer will come back, or if I will - hopefully - remain cancer free.

Is my life just passing by, one day at a time until the cancer comes back and destroys another chunk of my body?

Maybe it will show up somewhere different this time.

Am I eating good enough?

Do I need to make more time in my schedule to exercise more regularly?

Do I need to knock more things out of my diet?

Do I need to take more vitamin supplements?

As I lay here, wrapped around my stuffed tiger desperately seeking slumber, thoughts of cancer growing inside of me, raveshing everything in its path, flood my mind.

Nothing ever seems to release these thoughts and feelings out of my head for very long.......